I am beginning to think that FDR's speech writer was merely aiming for motivation when he told him to say, "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself". I am learning that this is something much easier said than done as there haven't been many things that I am honestly afraid of or at least admitted that make me feel this fear emotion.

/deep breath

I feel like my instincts are tuned wrong. I get the feeling and it usually turns out to be the opposite. I try to tune in, I try to listen, but it doesn't seem to to any good. Either something is off or I am extrordinarily gullible. Either is possible, but it is in a time like this that I am also reminded of a quote from High Fidelity. "Frankly speaking, I've come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains."

/deeper breath

There are so many trite things to say about any situation that presents a challenge and most of them can and should be applied. I am just SO nervous and scared. Maybe this is a good thing? Maybe anyone who can make me feel emotion this moving is noteworthy. Most of my insecurities are stemming from the amount of similarities that I see between current and past. My fear is messing with my head to the point that I am beginning to trip a bit. Everything was perfect. I couldn't have asked for anything more except maybe time. Every preconception and fear that I had going into it was at 100% devalidated. Yet here I am villianizing something that it is likely doesn't deserve to be villianized.

I need to concentrate on myself. I need to take one day at a time and just let this unfold. I need to come back to all of my lessons that I have learned before in that I don't need to be in control of everything all of the time. As a believer in fate and destiny and all of that business, this is going to be what it is regardless. Any choices, anything that happens will. I need to stay grounded and trust MYSELF, something I have proven to have difficulties with. I have a good support system if I need it. It's going to be just fine either way the coin flips.