Dear Anonymous,

Dear Anonymous,

There has been a lot that has happened between us in the past year, but because I feel like I can't say these things to you personally, I made the decision to write this to you here with the possibility that you won't see it. It makes me feel safer than taking the risk and just sending this via e-mail. Fifty percent of the time I feel like I can do it and the other 50% tells me that I need to just keep leaving it be. No matter how hard I tried and/or not tried, most of us I can't forget and a little of us I can't remember. I have been madly in love with you for 365 days regardless of what may have gone down in the past. Setting frustrations aside, it always comes back to one thing. I admit that I fell in love with you at first sight and even to this day I feel undeniably connected to you in such an unexplainable way. Sometimes, I can almost feel you around me. At first, I didn't understand it, but there is an incredibly special and rare bond between us.

At this point, we have spent more time not speaking than actually speaking. I miss our conversations and I really miss feeling close to you. I felt especially close to you after our last actual conversation. I felt like you trusted me enough to tell me things in great confidence. I don't think that I could ever really express in words how much I appreciated that and it's just one of the ways that you always made me feel like the most special woman on the planet. You were really good at that. There was something different, something exceptional about that conversation that stayed with me. There is something about the way we just understand each other.

I still feel the pull to hear your voice say "I love you" mostly because I know that you are the first person to ever truly mean it. I still want to catch your gaze and kiss you like I mean it. I want to see your smile and hear your laugh. I want to hold your hand and walk next to you. I want to give you everything you deserve. I want to give you everything you have given me hundreds of times over. There are lots of things that I really want and you are the only one that I want to have them with. Maybe it is just me being hopelessly romantic. I know that you and I could hit one out the park in the right time.

You are such an exceptional man. you might not have been the best at telling me what was on your mind, but the songs that were made "our" songs spoke volumes to me. it is better than your actual words. It moved me in more ways than I could ever really say with my OWN words. Those songs still move me to tears. There have been far too many instances when I have heard any of them and looked around and you weren't there. There have been too many times when you SHOULD have been there. standing next to me, experiencing the same things I did and you weren't there. Any hip hop holds zero meaning to me without an association to you.

Without over exaggerating, I think about you every day. I wish that I was able to come home to you every night and just be greeted by you at the door. I want to be your every day. I know our life would be amazing. It would be the stuff of novels. However, our life, as it is, is nothing short of a tragedy. I can't understand how these two people who are so inevitably meant for each other aren't in the same place at the same time. It is a cruel joke of the worst kind. How do you love one person so much and never really have the chance to be with them? Ill fate, I suppose.

No matter how star crossed we are, I will keep a spot in my heart for you. You are the best thing that never happened to me. I will be here until my time is done, holding this for you.

For better or for worse.


Always your love,
xoxo