It's not that I don't like you. You were worth all the time and effort I spent trying to charm you and impress you and if I ever see you again, I'll try even harder to charm and impress you more. That said, it's probably a bit strange to you that I hadn't called. I know. It's weird. I don't get it, either.

I think I'm a little too messed up for you. You make people better and I have a pretty consistent history of making people worse. I am going to call you back sometime this week and I am going to pretend that I'm not terrified of getting together with you only to have you walk away with the impression that I'm really screwed up. I'm not crazy. I'm just a little bit unpredictable. I'm very unpredictable. But I'd like to see you again and see what happens, even if it's nothing. So I'm going to try my very hardest to call you, and if for some reason I don't, know that I do want to. And, furthermore, know that I don't know why I didn't. Even if I do and I can't express it. But there's something about the phrase "you don't have to call" that makes me want to slap myself and shout "noooo! I do!" I'm a dick for not calling you. I'm sorry. I probably blew it, but I guess blowing it falls firmly in the center of my comfort zone. I suck. I'm going to call you, but I suck. Even though I'm terribly charming. You've got it easy, you get to be charming without having to suck. But then again, you have to deal with assholes like me. But then again, I have to deal with assholes like me. I am an asshole like me.

I've failed to call girls back in the past, and it's always been because I don't want to call them back, and it never bothers me. I just forget about it and move on. But this time, I keep thinking about it and I kept looking at your phone number until I memorized it and now I keep looking at my phone. I'll call you back. Even if I already blew it, I'll call you back.

I don't know what it is about this that makes me feel empathy for this person. it was a Missed Connection on Craigslist from a city that is not my own. Sometimes I like to scroll through them and read other peoples encounters. It is the same voyeur in me that allows me to watch filth like The Jersey Shore. Sincerely, I wish someone felt this type of thing for me. Love and romance tend to evade me in such a way that it's hard not to take it personally. It's my attempt to live vicariously through the other people who aren't necessarily brave enough to say it to the other persons face, but brave enough to put it out there. This post is such a perfect example of wanting to be the exception instead of the rule, being the person that changes the other from bad habits to good. Except the desire for difference is coming from the source instead of the other end. There is something commandingly attractive about it. Character flaw on my behalf? Likely.